Breathe!Posted by Scott Taylor
Three tips to
survive your separation!
Forget the Blame
If, and when, your relationship ends, the initial thoughts of the majority of my
family law clients focuses on blaming the other partner’s misbehaviour,
infidelity, gambling, alcoholism, etc. as the major reason for the failure of
My clients, considering themselves the aggrieved victims, are inevitably surprised
(and disappointed) to hear me tell them that their spouses’ alleged misbehaviour,
while no doubt an emotional minefield, has absolutely no relevance or
importance (with rare exceptions) to a court.
Far better and more constructive to take whatever steps you need to deal with your
own issues, and receive the support you need, since the only person who can
truly make you happy is you.
The first tip, find your own happiness, within.
Zip Your Lip
Readers of this blog know that I encourage parties to work out whenever possible the
basics of their separation. That’s the guiding principle of my
However there is an important condition precedent. Namely, you absolutely must take the
time to thoroughly understand your legal rights before you have any discussion
with your partner. This does not mean talking with your well meaning friends,
your dentist, your father’s accountant, or cruising the internet.
It means actually meeting and talking with an experienced family law professional,
such as myself. But it doesn’t mean you have to retain a lawyer.
I frequently meet and advise clients on a pay as you go basis. This usually
begins with an initial hour long session, where I identify the key legal issues
in their separation, and recommend a checklist of essential elements that need
to be discussed, and hopefully resolved.
My second tip, zip your lip, until you know your legal rights.
Remember Your Children
Separation is usually preceded by a lengthy period of tension and conflict, which tends to
adversely affect children most of all. Unfortunately, with parties consumed
with their own fears and futures the mental and emotional needs of the children
are often overlooked.
Lastly, but most important of all, remember the children. Find them (and you) the
emotional help and support in their time of need, another key principle of
Now, take thetime to take a deep breath, you’ve earned it!