Facebook is not longer a novelty.
For many, it’s become as much a part of life as television, coffee and cell phones.
It’s proven to be a great means for us to keep in touch with friends, without the inconvenience of face-to-face interaction. Yet for all it’s upsides, there are an abundance or aggravations still plaguing the world’s most popular social network.
Here is my most up-to-date Top 10 list of Facebook annoyances:
10. Chain status posts
These are the Facebook equivalent of the old email chain letters than cluttered our inboxes through the early 2000s. Apparently, chain statuses are enormously popular with the pre-teen crowd, which is why I do my best to keep my own Facebook account clear of pre-teen friends.
Here’s a recent example:
“SORRY BUT I’M DELETING YOU FROM MY LIFE! • click delete • LOADING. ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ 99% ERROR! It Is Impossible To Delete Our Friendship. You Mean Soooooooo Much To Me. Send This To 10 People Who You Never Want To Lose. If You Get 3 Back, You’re An Amazing Friend!”
9. Shameless career/hobby promotion
We all have a Facebook friend or two trying to use Facebook as a launch pad for a career in music, photography, etc… These are the people that spam us with desperate pleas to visit their blogs and websites or attend gigs at various coffee shops.
Occasional career updates are fine — say, once a month or so. Daily and weekly bulletins are irritating and force me to eventually ignore you altogether.
As a dear Facebook friend, I support you and wish you all the best in your endeavours, but the road to fame and fortune does not begin with relentless Facebook spamming.
8. Random group, game and page requests
Almost daily, I am asked to join a Facebook group that has absolutely no relevance to my life.
No, I don’t want to join ‘Discount Donairs in Winnipeg.’
No, I don’t want to like the page ‘Volkswagen Owners of Istanbul.’
No, I don’t want to play Vampire Wars.
Where do these stupid things come from and how did I make the invite list?
Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!
7. Public displays of affection
Few things on Earth disgust me more than couples displaying their affection through-wall-to-wall messages with the obvious intent of convincing all their friends how madly in love they are.
“Hey snookie cookie! I can’t want to see you tonight! I am gonna eskimo kiss your nose off!!!!!!!!”
“Hey babe! Been thinking about you ALLLLL day! Missin’ your kissin’! Smoochie smoochie!”
OK! You’re in love. I believe you. Now get a room.
6. Attention-seeking wall posts and updates
“Meagan is feeling soooo emotional and needs to know who her true friends are…”
The Facebook news feed is every drama queen’s dream come true. Posts like the example above are an effective method of garnering an outpouring of pity. Poor, depressed Meagan is certain to get at least 27 supportive replies like:
“AWWWW! I’m alwayz hear 4 ya BUDZ! LUVYALOTS! text me K? ;)”
5. Gross-out pictures
A friend of yours has just posted a new album titled ‘Katy’s Awesome Weekend 12.’ Naturally, you’re a bit curious to see what shenanigans ol’Katy was up to, so you begin clicking through the album.
First, a picture of Katy and Co. partying it up at a night club.
Second, a picture of Katy chowing down on some late-night pizza back at her apartment.
Then BAM, you’re ambushed with a closeup colour photo of Katy barfing her pizza into a pillow case while people point and laugh in the background.
At moments like that, several questions arise, such as — why was this photo taken? Who is the photographer who deemed this event photo-worthy? And why has Katy posted this photo of herself and tagged it?!
4. Facebook Places
‘Mike just checked in The Adult Movie Warehouse!’
This controversial new feature allows people to broadcast their exact location to all their Facebook friends via their cellphone or other mobile device. Is it really necessary that 450 people know where you are at all times? I don’t know where to begin pointing out all the things that are wrong about this concept, but I suppose Places will be embraced by the burglars and stalkers of the world.
3. Personal public showdowns
Public battles made my list of the most annoying things on Facebook, but they can also be one of those most entertaining. It’s a rare event, but every so often two people (or more) will engage in an all out war of words for all to see. If you encounter such an event, it’s important to read the whole comment string quickly, before cooler heads prevail and the combatants start removing the harshest insults and accusations.
2. Minute-by-minute life updates
There are way too many people on Facebook who drastically overestimate the intrigue of their own daily routines.
“Yaaaawn! I hate alarm clocks! GRRRRR!”
“MMMMMMMmmm… toast with peanut butter!”
“Shower time! Might even shave my legs today! LOL! JK! ;>”
“I love the feeling of fresh socks in the morning! :)”
Not even your own mother is interested. Kindly stop clogging my News Feed with this inane garbage.
1. Explicit parenting anecdotes
“Awww! Baby Tyson just poo-pooed all over the front of my shirt. Shouldn’t have fed him carrots this morning. LOL! yucky!”
In my mind, the ‘icky’ facts of parenting are not suitable for Facebook broadcasting. Yes, your baby is adorable, so don’t spoil that cutesy image I have in my mind by chronicling every eruption of vomit, feces or urine on Facebook.