So, “The Client List” Is On Lifetime?Posted by whitecovermagazine
For the seventh week, and for the rest (of some portion) of Lifetime’s “primetime” television season, Jennifer Love Hewitt has starred and will star in a show too hot for Sodom called The Client List.
Now… we feel some ridiculous need to keep most of our posts to PG-like parameters. At the same time, it’s on Lifetime, so maybe we don’t need to censor the plot and theme of this “program.” Hell, maybe that’s just what television is now? Cocaine, caviar, and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s breasts.
The Client List, as you probably know if you read Maxim magazine or watch Baby Blue Movies at 3 a.m., is soft core pornography. It stars Love Hewitt – the favourite vixen of every kid who was 11 or 12 when Can’t Hardly Wait came out – giving “extras” or “happy endings” to male clients at a massage parlor.
Or, as you know them in your daily life, handjobs.
Gawker “writes” a weekly “column” entitled, “So, Who Did Jennifer Love Hewitt Jerk Off This Week?” They never miss a chance to refer to it as The Jennifer Love Hewitt Handjob Hour The Client List.
And yet, does anyone else realize that this excuse to show The Ghost Whisperer stroking off unhappily married men is on Lifetime? Lifetime?
You know, the station that 30 Rock mocked with a biopic about a congresswoman who bravely fought her way into politics after being shot in the face by a dog? It was called “A Dog Took My Face And Gave Me a Better Face To Change The World.”
You know, the channel that the makers of The Playboy Club look at and go, “Wow, that’s cheesy”? You know, the one that the Hallmark Channel laughs at for signing washed-up stars?
Suddenly, this is their mantra? Not that anyone’s complaining, or should be. They should be more upset about how un-erotic the show really is. It looks more like “Jennifer Love Hewitt’s idea of what a rub-and-tug is” than a chronicle of the real inner workings of a Five-Against-One Spa.
Is Lifetime just trying to conjure up the dirtiest possible show that Rick Santorum could think of? (*P.S. Here’s betting that Santorum really is a dirty bird.)
Are they trying to bring in readers by faking cool, like when John McCain hired Sarah Palin in 2008? Are they too afraid to actually go to that mysterious extra mile that everyone expected them to, like Californication or House of Lies?
After all, how can you watch this trailer and not be disappointed by what we’ve seen through seven episodes?
Did you notice the line, “It asks you to figure out where you stand, what you believe in…”
On Lifetime? Are you sure? This is the network that normally makes you ask, “Is the woman right, or is the woman right?”
And, what does that mean, anyway? “It asks you to figure out where you stand… on handjobs.”
(*Well, hopefully you’re not standing on them, at all. You should be lying down.)
The odd part about the soft core stance of this show is that it actually appeals more to ladies than it does to men. It’s built around Love Hewitt’s trollings for a man, and it appears that Texas has no males who are bald, old, or poor. So, I guess, maybe it does belong on Lifetime.
This is Sex and the City for someone who’s afraid of sex.
Love Hewitt stars as a single mom in Texas who’s trying to make it after her husband abandoned her. So, this is also GCB. It’s just not as up-front about what it really is.
You see, if The Client List was on any other network, we could simply view it for what it is, and move on. But, now that it’s on Lifetime, we can’t help but wonder what point it’s trying to make.
And, is this really Love Hewitt’s final move? What other stars with that much appeal and popularity (right?) do a show about rubbing off men who all apparently work on oil rigs in “The Gulf”?
This seems more like one of those billboards you see in Las Vegas, the ones adorned with once-often-Googled celebrities. “Oh, so that’s where Donny Osmond is…”
Hewitt ain’t there, and the show itself is actually all right.