Before we get into Week 3′s “Most Cringeworthy Moments” (which we somehow had to condense to just 10), is anyone else wondering why Chris Harrison doesn’t just go for Emily Maynard? He’s single now. He’s getting divorced. He may not be great on Ellen, but he defends her. The dude’s in love. He’s got a steady job.

Are we crazy, or does that just make sense?

(*You’ll notice that the scenes involving Kalan and Alessandro aren’t on this list. They’re too easy.)

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10. Emily waking up

Oh, not really. But, we’ve all heard women talk about other women, and we can only imagine that their first sight of how good Emily looks waking up, “looking tired,” and wearing Elvis Presley’s t-shirt from Jailhouse Rock – or in a shirt from Sons of Anarchy – would have been meet with a firm hiss and harrumph.

9. The first date with Chris

“She looks great in a harness.”

(*In all fairness, this was a pretty good first date. Until…)

8. The rest of the first date with Chris

“How old are you?”
“25.”
“You… really… wow… I… I didn’t, umm, know that.”

Screeeeeeeeeeeeech.

(*Wait, isn’t she 26?)

7. Luke Bryan’s face

‘Why am I here?’

The crowd coming in to add a Flash Mob-like transition away from Awkward Town was a little weird, too.

6. Tony, the Dad

Doug is a dad who impressed Emily because of how calm he is as a dad. Tony is the dad who is just way too emotional about being a dad.

Maybe it would have impressed her if he was the only single father in the competition. But, he wasn’t, and Doug’s still killing it while Tony’s watching from the playpen.

Tony then wondered if his son would understand if he knew that “Dad was trying to find love.” Trust me, bud, it doesn’t work on the rest of us.

5. The BFFs

To Tony:

“What do you think you have in common?”

“Taking my son to school, taking my son to (blah blah blah).

——————–

Then, to Doug:

“Ohhhh, so you’re the dad?”

Ouch, Tony. Ouch.

(*By the way, this entire scene revolved around the daughter, Ricki. Do we have to keep talking about this all the time? Is this really all this season is about? This is becoming a more overdone character arc than everything to do with Kurt on Glee.)

4. Everything about Stevieeeeeeeeeeeeee!

This guy is so bad, he’s amazing. His dance moves were so bad, they bordered on impressive. The dude is just a standout. Sorry, was a standout.

3. Ryan, on Fat Emily

First of all dude, she’s not getting fat. And, if she did, you’d still be lucky, because you’re wearing a toupee backwards.

So, you follow up answering with “No” to the question, “Is it okay (if Emily got fat)?” with this line: “I would have a problem if you just got lazy and let that happen… I would still love you, I just wouldn’t love on you.”

He then said, “I see myself as an absolute frontrunner.”

*In case you’re forgetting, this guy told Emily, “You looked most beautiful in the kitchen” in Week 2. And, somehow, she kicked out the guy who was crying because he missed his son. Maybe she’s a little more shallow than we think…

2. Arie’s puns

“I’m a race car driver so I’m used to things moving fast (nice)… hopefully this revs things up (okay, fine).”

To be fair, he’s going to win.

1. The close-up on Arie and Emily kissing

It’s not like it wasn’t a good date. It was a really good one.

But, did they have to do that slow-motion, close-up view of Emily and Arie sharing a porn star kiss while the camera panned up towards the ceiling? There were so many special effects in that scene, I wasn’t sure if I was watching The Bachelorette or I’m f***ing Matt Damon.