This isn’t one of those times where you can say, “Come on, we’re waiting!” or “Oh, boo hoo, they’re getting paid $100 million! I wish my life were so tough!” Listen, we know that hockey players aren’t elementary school teachers or garbage men, and that their lives are pretty damn good, and so you have trouble hearing them complain about how they need longer than three days to make a life-altering decision while you’re just trying to thumb and finger your way through a recession that “Obama caused.”

(*I’m just going to assume that I’m speaking to Tim Thomas.)

But, hey, folks… shut up!

When Zach Parise and Ryan Suter sign with their new teams (or their old teams, wink wink), they’re effectively chaining themselves to one club for the rest of their career. They not only have to do a deal that makes financial sense (and, they all will) but also one that guarantees them a shot at more than one Cup.

So, while Parise would probably have no problem re-signing with New Jersey, and ditto for Suter in Nashville, can they really, honestly look at those clubs and say, “They’ll still be here in 10 years”? Can they really trust any GM besides Ken Holland, Mike Gillis, Peter Chiarelli, or Stan Bowman when they say, “I’m committed to putting together the right pieces to win a Stanley Cup”?

Guessing no.

After all, look at how the Columbus Blue Jackets rewarded Rick Nash’s loyalty. They haven’t made the playoffs since he signed his monster contract, and now he’s realizing he’ll never win a Stanley Cup in Columbus. Never.

And, yea, you’re right, Anonymous Yahoo! Commenter. They’re going to be overpaid. They also know that. It’s not like that doesn’t carry a weight of pressure. It’s not like a $100 million Zach Parise isn’t aware that he has to perform and produce every night, or like Ryan Suter is oblivious to the fact that $90 million over 13 years is a sh*t ton of money to pay a defenceman who won’t top 50 points a season.

If Ryan Suter signs with Detroit, he has to become Nicklas Lidstrom. Yea, okay…

If Zach Parise signs with Detroit, they better win the Cup next year. If he signs with Minny, they better win the Northwest.

So, you know what, they do have a better life than us. It doesn’t mean they should be thinking about us when they make their decision, and it doesn’t mean they should be thinking about easing the pain of sportswriters who will only rip them apart when they don’t play well in 82 of 82 games.

Poor Mike Brophy.

Oh, and stop with this whole thing about how Parise and Suter are holding other teams “hostage” by waiting until the fourth day to sign, or by comparing them to LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, or Chris Bosh because they’ve talked about possibly playing together.

Jesus Christ. Just stop.

You think hockey players don’t talk to each other each and every offseason, or dream about playing together? What did you think when Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne decided to play that season together in Colorado for less money, or when Peter Forsberg and Markus Naslund would hang out over a bonfire in Sweden?

Do you really think hostage is the right word, or are you just trying to pressure them to let your home team off the hook?

Fact is, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do these things. Chris Paul, Dwight Howard, LeBron… they held their teams hostage by backing them into a corner, by not notifying them, and by making them guess where they would go to fill their own sadistic fantasies.

Parise and Suter are genuinely trying to find the right fit, and they’re excited about tomorrow’s possibilities.

Get over yourself.